It ain’t about the socks

If my friend had given me one once of hesitance about going this morning, I would have jumped on it like hyenas on raw meat!  Besides it being cold and rainy outside, I was tired and late getting up.  So needless to say it would not have taken much convincing for me to stay in my cozy bed and think ‘next time.’  As usual, God had other plans…

We met the Sisters In Motion group at Finley Park, both of us thinking about how the cold and rain was sure to put a damper on us spreading sunshine and cheer to the homeless.  We laughed later because we both thought we’d be walking around the park, passing out socks, good cheer and blessings on the homeless who had taken up residence on the park benches.  I have to laugh at how God reminds me that His ways are not my ways and His thoughts are so much bigger than mine….

Ms. Ella informed us we were going to follow each other from the park to the Women’s shelter first.  Where we would minister to the women, pray with them, and give out socks.  Then we would go to a place called ‘the towers’ and visit with some elderly folks.  We were both a bit relieved that we would be inside, but to be honest, I was a bit anxious about ministering one-on-one with strangers.  I felt awkward and nervous…  What would I say?  I’m a mess myself and I most definitely don’t ‘have it all together.’  How can I minister to someone and/or be Jesus to them?  Ouch… I didn’t sign up for this…  I’d have to risk… I’d have to get real with strangers… 

We arrived at the women’s shelter downtown and made our way into their dining area.  As I scanned the room, I felt awkward about what was getting ready to take place… after a few minutes, it was like Nike’s motto, a JUST DO IT moment when I took my place among two women and immediately our lives started to intertwine with one another and Jesus’ love took over.  They were open about how they ended up homeless and it became so very apparent to me that their actions weren’t much different from mine… how parallel we are and easily I could have been in their place.  One choice ended a lady in jail, one separated from her children, one without a job and house.  The house is alive with rambunctious children.  Smiling, skipping, giggling, and ecstatic over a simple pack of socks!  A basic need, that most of us don’t think twice about not having. 

We left after what seemed to not be nearly enough time and I am overwhelmed by how God provides and I need for NOTHING.  I do not deserve to have a house and a good, stable job.  I am inadequate to be a mom or a wife.  Yet God’s mercy on me is abundant and His love is more than my soul can contain.

From there, we headed to ‘the towers’ which turns out to be government funded apartment- type housing for elderly.  The building is old, musty and institutional.  When you enter, you are greeted by a security guard sitting behind bullet proof glass.  We made our way in to what was their ‘recreational center’ which, other than a flat screen on the wall, really didn’t have anything recreational about it.  There were many elderly gathered around, sitting at tables, waiting [some not so patiently] for us to arrive.   Ms Ella preached the word and one of the ladies in our group stood up and sang a beautiful song called Welcome Jesus.  Then the Lord moved in that place…

An elderly man sitting in the furthest corner in the back of the room stood up and proclaimed God’s goodness and mighty power.  He was a large man with a crippled arm and an awesome, powerful voice.  His bounding voice sang out in a bluesy-gospel tenor full of passion and fire for God.   His singing was truly amazing.  Then another lady got up and sang, and then another.  All singing accepella without backup music, without fear, singing boldly to the King of Kings and Lord of Lords our mighty God.  We shared time together, listened to their stories, and then we gave out socks, soap, and other little items. Before I left, my mind was already made up that I would be back.  I left this morning on a mission to be a blessing to others however things were turned around because I was the one who was blessed. 

My friend and I will be back in a month to play Bingo, give out soap and other basic necessities.  We hope to bring others with us and visit ‘the towers’ on a regular basis.  If you want to see where Jesus lives and hear His angels sing, come join us!   You may think you are going to bring a blessing to others, but see God has something else in mind… WE will be the ones being blessed.  God is love and He is so good to us. 

Thank you Jesus for saving me, loving me, and reminding me, It ain’t about the socks!

The One and Only True Love

Today’s devotion [from Jesus Calling devotional book] is a reminder that Jesus loved me so much that He died so I could have a relationship with Him.  He faced humiliation and suffered a horrific, excruciating death when all He had to do snap His fingers for the angels of heaven to remove him immediately.  Why would He not say, ‘enough of these people!’ and that we are not worth being his friend, let alone giving up his life?!?!  I can’t imagine a love like that but boy do I ever thank Him for it!  Though I experience the pain of feeling unloved and unappreciated by people I adore, I thank God that he shows me what true love is.  I can’t make it a day without You, my precious Savior.  Your true love is always here and you never leave me.  YOUR love is faithful.  Even when I have given up and been mad at You, you never leave me.  Jesus Christ is true love.  I adore you my Lord.  You recreate, restore, and renew.  You give hope.  I desperately need you to restore me.

My 42+ years on this earth has been one of rocky terrain, some of this brought on by others, some by my own doing.  However, just as He promises, God has never left me.   He has either carried me or held tightly to my hand the entire time.  If it had been up to my earthly parents, I would not be here.  In fact, steps were taken to purposely prevent any more children in our family.  However, God had different plans, as He usually does.  He formed me in my mother’s womb for a purpose.  He created me, changes me, and holds me close.  I pray Lord, that you will use me for Your good.  Help me help others.  Help me to love others.  Help me to be you to others.

People who live with abuse, confusion, insecurity, and/or neglect have every right to be angry. I sure was.  I’ve experienced abuse in all forms and lived many years exposed to cruel dysfunction.  So believe me when I say, I know the meaning of being pissed off..for a very long time.  There have been plenty of times I raised my fist at God asking WHY?  Your circumstances may be different from mine, but a broken heart or uncertain future, causes a pain we can all relate to.   I learned at a young age how to protect MYSELF.  This ‘self-protection’ was perfected and exposed as I got older by fight or flight.  I became independent [to the extreme] and felt I needed no one.  Well, that’s what I tried to make myself believe… or should I say, that’s what the enemy would have me to believe… ‘I don’t need anyone’  ‘I can make it on your own,’  ‘I need to make myself happy,’ and an ‘I don’t care’ attitude are just a few of the chains that once held me hostage.

Though, as I think back over my life, I sense I was always being held together by the One who loved me more than I could ever understand.  I believe His light and warmth has always been there.  I personally may have been dark and callous, but I sense that from the very beginning, His flame flickered inside of me like that of a candle.  And no matter what or how hard I tried, I would not be able to snuff it out.  I truly believe, there are no coincidences in life.   God orchestrates events and by His power and grace, He uses what others mean for evil and He designs something really good.  Something beautiful.  He can take what is ugly, even vile and through His love, turn it into sweet and precious ministry.  I’ve seen it in my own life.  His presence alone is sweet and precious.  I am keenly aware that there is ONLY ONE reason my heart has compassion, hope, and security.  That is Jesus Christ…His love…His forgiveness..His faithfulness.  I never want to be without Him, my one and only true love.

I love you all.  Merry Christmas!

Happy Thanksgiving!

I just wanted to wish everyone a Happy Thanksgiving!   I am happy that I have been blessed with wonderful friends!  Let us all give thanks to the Lord and remember that NOTHING can ever separate us from His Love! 

Did You Just Nudge Me?!?!

We’ve been checking out some new churches lately.  Scott and I have been ‘members’ of Riverbend for years, we were married there and still love the pastors and the people there.  However, when the Harvest opened a new / additional campus right here in our neighborhood a couple of years ago, we started going there since it was in walking distance and literally two cul-de-sacs up from our house.  Plus, Harvest has a dynamic youth program, which the boys absolutely loved.  This was the church Jake went on his mission trip to Trinidad and we’ve grown very close to Pastor Scott and his family.  I got plugged in pretty heavily, signed up to help out whenever/wherever I could, held a ladies study and thought that’s where I’d end up staying long-term.  Then, as most of you know, late 2010 – early 2011, I fell into a pit of depression and hopelessness [we’ll take that journey up in another blog!] where I had become angry at God, isolated from friends, and disconnected from church for a time.  When I could will myself to go, it was sporadic and I felt very alone.  ** Thankfully, the Lord’s strong hands pulled me out of the pit and His healing continues…

During this time, we were invited to attend Brooke’s baby dedication [well, more like I was TOLD I had better be there if I was any kind of friend], at Christian Life on Bush River Rd.  With resistance [to church, not Brooke’s dedication] I went and to my surprise, I greatly enjoyed the service.  As soon as I entered the building, I felt the love of Jesus and even though I had planned my ‘get-away’ to take place right after Brooke’s dedication, I didn’t want to leave and stayed planted in my seat for the whole service.  The pastor is an incredible teacher, worship is awesome, and the people are kind and loving. I have been several times since and always leave filling cleansed, refreshed, and empowered by the Holy Spirit.

In a casual conversation about churches, a friend mentioned we should also check out Radius, which is in the old Ace Hardware building in Lexington.  I had heard of Radius but had no idea that’s where they were located and what a radical change of this previous hardware store!  Radius is another incredible church where Jesus’ love oozes from the doors.  Worship is powerful and teaching is solid.  Radius Church feels rugged, strong, and courageous.  For me personally, I feel ‘safe’ there and being in this atmosphere re-emphasizes how substantial and powerful our Lord is.

So ok, let me get to the point of why we should never, ever, EVER ignore the nudge of God.  We were at Radius two Sundays ago and as usual, worship is great and teaching is spot-on. We’re wrapping up the service with worship songs, and I notice the lady in the row in front of me wiping her eyes.  You know, we all have this happen…we are worshipping and our hearts ache for one reason or another.  We weep.  We weep for sadness.  We weep for joy.  Either way, we are responding and worshiping our Lord.  I noticed this lady wipe her tears numerous times and towards the end of the last song, it happens….  Jesus says, ‘reach out to her’ [well, I didn’t actually hear those words, but I felt His nudge].  I’m like, nah she’ll be fine…  besides, what am I gonna say?  It would probably embarrass her for me to reach out to her, right?  He nudges again.  Well, you know stubborn me…I’m like, ‘Come on!  She’s probably got allergies and is just sniffling because she needs some Allegra and/or a tissue…neither of which I have.’   I know. I too am appalled that I would actually stand there and have the audacity to argue with God!  Subtle disagreements like this are from the enemy and are one of his dirty little ways to stifle the love of the body of Christ.

In the midst of my debating, the last song is coming to an end, as we are about to turn from our aisles to leave, I feel a gentle, yet urgent push forward as THE LORD takes my hand to grab hers.  It was like I was watching someone else in slow motion!  HE moved my hand.  No kidding.  With her hand now in mine, I pull her close to me and say, ‘I just want you to know that I love you’ and we hug.  Not a little meek, pat on the back sideways kind of hug either. I’m talking a big ole heavy-duty hug like you give your grandma or to the PCH guy who just handed you the million dollar sweepstakes check!  Teary-eyed, the lady said, ‘thank you’ and just like that it was over.  We leave and I’m still not sure what or why that just happened.

I don’t think much about it again until this past Sunday when I go back to Radius and am seated behind the same lady.  I notice she turns and looks at me a couple of times.  I smile and say ‘good morning’ and begin fidgeting through my notebook when the next thing I know, she’s in the seat right beside me.  She asks if I was the one who hugged her last week.  I respond ‘yes ma’am’ and she went on to tell me how much that meant and get this, that I WAS JESUS TO HER when she needed Him!!  I fought back the tears at the thought that I almost willed myself NOT to reach out to her.  Plus the fact that Jesus would use me OF ALL PEOPLE to represent Him to someone else.  I admitted to her that I had felt Him ask me to reach out to her and that I am so grateful that the Lord used me to remind her that she IS loved and to give her a big hug from Him.  My new friend’s name is Deb and you know what?  I really do love her.  I don’t know the details of what weighed on her that Sunday but I know she needed to know God was still there.  He was still in control.  He still loved her.  I am in awe that the Lord asked me to do this for Him.  I am grateful for Him to give me this opportunity and I pray I won’t resist so much when He asks again!  All I can say is this; Thank You sweet Jesus for your unending, overflowing, unimaginable, forever faithful, love. 

Today’s devotional verse found in Colossians 3:15 says we are chosen as part of His body.  Friends, let us not forget we are an extension of Jesus.  We need to slow down and listen for Him.  I’ll bet every person we encounter has some sort of challenge or difficulty in their life today.  Some people are facing big, life changing crises and some have smaller, lingering annoyances in life [yes, teenagers do count in this category!].

Let us be faithful and obedient when He asks us to do something ‘odd’ like hug a stranger and tell them you love them….  give your last $5 to the guy on the exit ramp with the cardboard sign… be kind to that person who has offended you… again.  Then, when you do, don’t take the credit.  We don’t do these things on our own accord.  Or at least I don’t.  Only Jesus working in me and through me, causes me to do anything ‘uncomfortably’ good.  On my own, I’m a hot mess who acts like a loony baboon from time to time.  Thank goodness Jesus doesn’t notice that about me though and entrusts me with showing Him to others.   That’s how He rolls and His awesomeness overwhelms me.  I love you all!

Be Strong. Have Courage. Have Faith.

In Philippians 4: 6 & 7; the Lord reminds me; Do not worry about anything.  Pray about everything.  I am to tell Him what I need [like He doesn't already know!] and thank Him for what He has done for me.  If/when I do this, I experience God’s peace.  His peace is far more wonderful then my little human mind can understand.  His peace guards my heart and mind as I live in Jesus Christ.

The application section of my bible states ‘it seems like an impossibility’ to not worry.  This is so true.  We all face problems…at home…at work…with our teenagers…marriages…finances…etc.  But if I am faithful to God and obey His word by praying about everything, rather than letting my mind wander with ‘what ifs’ then I will have HIS peace.   His peace is different from the world’s peace, which is the absence of conflict.  I AM going to have conflict in my life.  Jesus describes a peace in John 14:27 that comes from His Holy Spirit living in me.  This peace is me having the assurance that no matter what happens [today, tomorrow, next week/year] I can be confident that God is bigger than my circumstances or the problems I face and He has it all under control.  His Holy Spirit living in me reminds me that I do not have to fear the present or the future.

God reminds me to be faithful in praying to him and not worrying about tomorrow, the problems of today, what I am going to do about this or that.  He just asks me to abide [be still] in Him and trust him.  Rather than coming up with my own ‘game plan’ He wants me to pray to Him, for his guidance, and thank Him for all that he has already done and is going to do.  God is so good to me.  I could write a book about the good He has already done for me – and this is just of the things that I know about or have personally seen He has done in my life and the ways He has changed me from the inside out.  Yet, there are many things God has done for me, blessed me with or done on my behalf that I don’t even know about – Much of his work is behind the scenes, taking care of me and lavishing His love on me.

I have a plate overflowing with things I could allow to worry me.  My back pain and healing, pain in my legs, lack of sleep, marriage problems, teenagers, friends who are hurting, pending work, and so on.  However, I absolutely cannot focus my energy on trying to ‘fix’ any of these things and I have to trust God that He is working everything out.   This year has been a journey of trusting him and to be honest, most of the time I have failed miserably.  I’ve felt let down by the people I love and unvalued here on earth.  This is common human nature.  We are selfish beings and pain is not something that can be avoided on this earth.  But THANK GOD I am so valuable to Him and he loves me so much.  He promises He will NEVER leave me or forsake me.  Forsake means ‘to turn away from’  or ‘give up on’  So Jesus, my Lord and Savior promises He will never, ever leave me, turn away from or give up on me….not even when I give up on Him!  I have failed people.  People have failed me.  But God never does!

Deut 31:6 says I am to be strong and courageous because the Lord goes before me and He will never leave me or forsake me!  That’s right!  NEVER…no matter how many times I mess up!

John 7:38 Jesus says if I believe in Him, come and drink and rivers of living water will flow out from within.  My bible explains what He is saying as ‘drink the living waters, which is the Holy Spirit’ that only the Messiah can give us.  Living here means eternal life.  The Holy Spirit and eternal life go hand-in-hand; when I accepted Jesus, His holy spirit came to live in me and at that very moment, I was given eternal life.

Eph 5:18-20 says to not be drunk on wine, but let the Holy Spirit fill me and control me.  THEN I will sing songs making music to my Lord.  And I will always give thanks for everything to God the Father in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ.  So, when I allow the Holy Spirit to control me, I WILL sing praises and I will give thanks.  I WILL.  Period. Then I take that as if I am not doing these things, then I am not allowing the Holy Spirit to control me.  Being drunk on wine is temporary.  Being filled with the Holy Spirit and allowing Him FULL access and control over me, is forever, lasting joy and peace.  How much of myself am I letting the Holy Spirit have?  I am reminded to submit daily – for me, it is more like moment by moment – to the Spirit’s leading and constantly draw on His power, not my own.

It is very, very difficult to be thankful and grateful in situations that basically suck and are hard to deal with.  In times of trouble, I absolutely have to lean on the Lord and ask the Spirit to guide me.  I have to remember that God works out all things for good, and to bring Him glory.  Not some things…ALL things.  It is in the hard times that I am to THANK Him.  Not necessarily for the problems, but for the strength He is building in me thru these problems and challenging times.  I no longer ask or beg the Lord to ‘get me out of this situation’ but rather, I thank Him for allowing this difficult time to strengthen me and to help me to learn to trust Him.  Whatever is being allowed to ‘challenge’ me at this moment is in HIS timing alone and his perfect love will see me through.

When I SEE [I see it, there’s no doubt about it!] with my own eyes, a battle that looms larger than life and I know there’s no way I can defeat it [Deut. 20:1], this situation is MUCH bigger than I am; the Lord says I am to NOT BE AFRAID because, 1. He is WITH me and 2. He himself has gone BEFORE me to fight the battle and claim VICTORY!  Time and time again, the Lord Almighty tells me to not be afraid of what I SEE!  Joshua 1:5 NO ONE will be able to stand up against me! The Lord will be always be with me.  He will NEVER leave me.  This is what it means to have faith.  Faith is believing, standing firm in what God says.  In WHO He is.  Regardless, of what I see with my own eyes in the physical world in front of me.  Faith in what I cannot see right now but absolutely knowing God is with me and NO ONE can come up against me!  Thank you sweet Jesus!

I love you all.  Let us journey together through both blessings and burdens until He comes or calls us home.

R U Qualified?

I was in bible study the other night and one of the folks in our group asked me the question, ‘Are you qualified?’   I had mentioned that I thought I would like to offer leading a women’s bible study group at work using our material and someone asked about allowing men in the group or just have it be all women…  The study we are doing is on Romans, so technically it could be open to both men and women, I just didn’t know if I (personally) would feel comfortable leading a study that included men.  So when my friend asked me, ‘Are you qualified?’  I didn’t really know how to respond. The term ‘qualified’ seemed so above me.  Meaning;  Have I had specific training or education?  Am I a professional or have any authority in this area?…  Which I would answer with a BIG FAT NO.   I thought about this question that evening and the many things that I have done or been allowed to do in my life and if I was ever really ‘qualified’ to do them…  To be honest, I really don’t consider myself as being ’qualified’ in many areas…  Let alone teach/lead a study, raise three [3] sons, be a supervisor at work, etc, etc….  Yet, these are all things the Lord has entrusted me or allowed me to do and blessed me through.  I believe if I am eager to listen and obey, then the Lord makes me capable and equips me to do these things.

In the ‘technical’ sense, I am not qualified or cannot do anything that pleases God or makes one i-oh-dah of a difference in heaven…  Which is a good thing for me because 1. I don’t have an extended education or degree which I can say ‘I accomplished’ so if God chooses to use me for His good, then we know that’s HIS call and 2. It teaches me to be dependent on God and trust Him.

One thing is sure; I have to keep my heart, mind, and eyes fixed on Jesus.  When I do that, He enables me to do whatever will bring him glory….  Then, I must obey and take a step in faith…  {and sometimes ‘THAT’S the hardest part!}

I love you all!  Now GO take that step…even just one… wherever He is asking you to go.

Enter @ Your Own Risk…

Random Blogs:

To most of you, these will be meaningless, pointless and even quite odd. Some may even question my sanity and/or if I am still taking prescription pain meds.  If you fall in this category, I will not hold it against you or take it personally.  And no, I am clean now.  These are simply random tales and adventures that are at least somewhat true.  For the two deliriously silly {and a bit warped} chicks involved, these are a crack up!

First, you’ll need to know the abbreviations:

BF = Best Friend = Yoyomah = Christine

FS = Fun Sucker = Someone who sucks the fun out of anything she can = Yoyomah = Christine

BD = Baby Daddy = Yoyomah’s fiancé’ = Cocoa Bear’s {aka Brooke} dad = Troy

#1. Titled: WHY are you Fabulous!?!?

I love my BF but she’s a fun sucker…aka killjoy…  She will flat out drain any/all enjoyment from your happy moment with her badger-like persistence in ANALizing EH-VER-REE-THING that you say! It has been truly exhausting to be her BF for the past 22+ years and I know I am racking up a plethora of riches in heaven for my unending tolerance.  Let me share just one small example from today…  BF asks; ‘How are you today?’ and I respond, ‘I am fabulous!’  Then, with that simple response, BF begins her relentless pursuit to unpack WHY I am fabulous..  It is like it is unfathomable to her that I can be fabulous and the interrogation begins…  BF questions me and questions me… back and forth, hounding me with emails and questions as to WHY am I so fabulous today?!?!  What is the logic and specific reason I am fabulous?!?!  In her mind, there absolutely has to be an explicit cause for fabulousness!  By the 10^th email, I am exhausted and under the pressure, I can sense my fabulousness being sucked away… I cannot let this happen!!  So I quickly divert her attention by telling her I have to go bc my boss is calling me and thankfully, I remain fabulous for the remainder of the day.  BF still does not understand why. The End.

#2. Titled: Same day…different drama….This happens immediately following my escape from BF’s attempt to eradicate my fabulousness….

FS simply cannot fathom WHY her BF is fabulous today and the bewilderment of it is driving her mad!  As she ponders this, she scans the office folk around her and then it dawns on her…  She narrows her eyes at the one thing that keeps HER from being fabulous…  Her BD.  She contemplates; ‘why doesn’t my man shower me with compliments regularly?!?!… why won’t he give me the attention I need?!?!  This is exactly why I can’t be fabulous!!’

It eats at her and the more she thinks about it, the more ticked she gets!!  She’s sick of not being fabulous and frankly has had enough!  In haste, she shoves away from her desk and stomps over to still-agitated BD who is working diligently at his desk [BD is still agitated b/c of an earlier altercation with FS].  She towers over him, her ever-so-round belly level with his face, and says in a low growl, ‘why don’t you e-v-e-r tell me I am beautiful and fabulous?”  BD is not up for any more of FS’s shenanigans today and says, ‘Girl don’t even start with me.’  As you can imagine, this comment enrages FS.  Her face takes on a look of twisted horror as she replies, ‘oh no you didn’t!’  FS spins like the exorcist and is like a tornado moving back to her desk, purposely knocking papers off of everyone else’s on the way…  It’s an appalling scene as she snatches up her lunch container {which btw, is leftovers from last weekend} and waddles without delay, back to her BD desk.  FS glares pure scorn at him with the ‘I will slap you right in your mouth’ look and says ‘Look here. I am sick and tired of your disrespect!’   With that, FS dumps the leftovers right on BD’s ever-so-neatly-haircut-head and to ensure all office folk can hear, FS boisterously declares, “SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO?!?!  I GOTTA GO & SPEND MONEY NOW TO BUY ME SOME LUNCH TODAY!!!!”   The End.  PS:  I am still fabulous…. BF/FS is not…